Doomed

I've been a science buff for as long as I can remember. Even as a little kid I read technical manuals, science magazines and anything else I could get hold of.

Back then science stuff was fun, interesting and always looked forward to a bright future filled with sky cities, flying cars and day trips to Mars.

Lately however, it seems that the people who write and produce all of the programs on the discovery channel, science channel and national geographic are obsessed with predicting the end of the human race.

According to the big brains on TV, Homo sapiens are very close to their ultimate demise. The experts appear to be overjoyed at the prospect of a fiery doom It's the equivalent of them walking down the street with placards that read

"Repent! the end is near"

For example: this is what has been on so far this week:

Super Volcanoes: Yellowstone is ripe to blow up, wipe out half the US and plunge us into darkness for 18 years, we all starve and die.

Global warming: the polar ice caps melt, our cities go under water, and unless we live in the Himalayas we all drown and die.

Asteroid: A big Chunk of rock the size of Texas plows into the ocean, sending a wave of hot plasma over the earth incinerating everything and boiling the oceans into the atmosphere. All of us without asbestos underwear are going to be crispy critters.

The loss of the earth's magnetic field: Our protective ionosphere goes away and solar radiation slowly destroys all life that isn't covered in SPF 6000 sunblock.

Comet: About the same as the asteroid but we are killed by tidal waves, earthquakes and falling debris.

Killer Virus: A mutant Virus spreads from Africa infects our air and we all die festering in our own juices while brave scientists in their bio suits rush around vainly in search of a cure.

Careless use of antibiotics breeds an ultra resistant incurable plague that rots us from inside out, bodies pile up and decay in the streets...

Ice age: If the global warming doesn't kill us, then the resulting ice age will and the world will be covered 1000 feet thick with ice for a million years.

After listening to the experts tell us we are going to succumb to an unstoppable and inevitable fate, I've decided that there are some things we don't need anymore.

Taxes: what does it matter? Who needs money when faced with certain doom:

Politicians: They are here to protect us right? Well unless they are going to form a human comet shield or volcano plug, I don't see any use for them.

Supermodels and celebrities: We are all going to be rotten, burned or drowned and bloated soon anyway so why should we delude ourselves?

Vitamins and health food: Fuck it...eat as much butter and fried bread as you want. It will take the flesh eating virus longer to consume you.

Environmentalists: If the entire surface of the earth is to be burned off to a depth of 30 feet I just don't see strip mining and aerosol cans as an issue anymore.

Actually I'm quite relieved that I won't need to bother painting my house next summer.