Movies
I've been watching more movies than usual this summer and I've realized that there are some things Hollywood would never dare put on film.
See if you agree.
Young attractive female is being chased by a crazed serial killer. She barely escapes outside to her car without a second to spare. The frightened woman gets in, starts her car, and drives to safety.
A Sci-fi thriller where the black guy with all the funny one liners doesn't get digested by the evil alien, blown out the air lock, crushed by a giant piece of space junk etc...
A movie where a group of fun loving Yankees takes a driving trip, has their car break down in the deep south and they are not NOT confronted by the stereotypical toothless, inbred rapists with bad grammar and worse hygiene.
A prison movie without a dropped soap joke or shower rape scene.
A romantic comedy where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meet, have dinner, and decide they totally hate each other's fucking guts and decide they are happier living alone.
.
A computer generated animation movie where the movie ends with the edgy, smart-assed, wise cracking vermin getting their fuzzy little heads caved in by a well placed trap.
I dare some screenwriter to include some or all of these scenes in the next screen play they submit and just see what happens.
posted by Bill Rowland @ July 09, 2007
41 Comments
41 Comments:
but... when the babysitter hears a funny noise in the basement and she tries the light switch and it doesn't work, how much fun is it if she doesn't go downstairs with a flashlight that has a low battery?
When will they stop making sequels or re-making classics? A new idea for Hollywood screenwriters is no more.
Veritas et Fidelis Semper
what about why being chased by a serial killer and then random people hooking up and having sex. What is it about being almost killed that makes them so horney.
I always get so upset when people do stupid things in the movies and Jose will say "it wouldn't be very exciting if they did the smart thing". I guess he's right, but it still irritates me. LOL
I cant breathe, I am laughing so hard about the Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks part!!!
I see an awful addition to the "Not Another Teen Movie" genre. Thanks Hammer. Jerk. ;)
The people in scary movies always walk toward the danger and they never run from it. They run upstairs where they can't escape.
A romantic comedy where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meet, have dinner, and decide they totally hate each other's fucking guts and decide they are happier living alone...
lmao this won't happen but it is still funny to think about
I think your ideas are fresh and new are are therefore unlikely to see the light of day.
I also think my feed caught whatever your feed had.
Halleluia amen@
It would have made "Ratatouille" more interesting!
Shrek's head on a pike in front of the main gate of Duloc and donkey turning over a spit far far away.
Hammer, stick to porn. It's much more realistic and satisfying than Hollywood's output.
You know, I'd like to see some of those movies. Especially the Ryan-Hanks flick.
chish chish chish chish ha ha ha ha--- I must agree that those scenes will never see celluloid individually- let alone in ONE MOVIE!
Or you freakin crazy???? LOL
J
how about the smoker turning out to be the good guy hero? Never see that.
and BTW concerning the feed problems...
http://wordpress.com/blog/2007/07/09/feed-oddities/
They could try portraying a family in which the father is the most intelligent member, and the youngest child is the least intelligent.
Or how about this:
Meg Ryan is a serial killer. Tom Hanks is the cop who's on her trail. They meet in a coffee shop and fall in love, Hanks not knowing she is the murderer he's looking for. When he finally tracks her down in the end, she tries to use his love to plead for mercy. He shoots her anyway.
how about blacks living in the projects selling drugs, raping women and visiting their entire families in state prison...politically incorrect real life is not something Hollywood could ever bring itself to portray.
The black guy is the goofy idiot while the white guy is the level headed hero annoyed by the Negro stupidity. Never see that...ever. Only the exact opposite.
Hahaha! That reminded me of an episode of The Simpsons where Homer rewrites the ending to a Mel Gibson film (I think it was him anyway)
I'll never think of "Sleepless in Seattle" in the same light ever again! hahahaha
Janet: Well actually the crappy flashlight is pretty realistic ;)
Deborah: There hasn't been an original plot since sophocles :)
snowmanpoop: I guess headless friends and spears though the eye get them hot ;)
goldbloom: I'm one of those people who annoy others with that type of comment :D
Stepping: heck they've done everything else ;)
Queen: Oh god I didn't think of that..
lamb: exactly...it's like they are lemmings.
canadian: I can only wish :)
jeannie: sorry about the feeds I had to start from scratch on mine.
Bridget: amen :)
Schmoopie: I kind of liked that one although The rat swarm scenes kind of grossed me out.
Phosgene: after their last feeble attempt I would tend to agree
mad Z: You have a point there :)
Dorky dad: heck I'm going to have to make them myself :)
John: The way Hollywood is going I don't see what's left :)
JP: with the exception of Dennis Leary I can't see it happening either.
Alan: You might be onto something with the last one.
Intolerant: Life imitates art or Vice versa?
But if the bad guy does not smoke the public might get all confused....
Hey Hammer - I right clicked on one of my feeds and then refresh all and they're all popping up now. Thank heavens I don't have to delete and resubscribe! Wasn't looking forward to that.
A Lord of the Rings remake where the hobbits get eaten by dragons... or they do decide to keep the Ring.
Or a Kids TV show without shapeless brightly coloured animals in it...
Or a dog thats just a dog... not a freaky mind reading emotionally sensitive dog..
The Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks thing... you have no idea how many times I've wished for that! When people started referring to You've Got Mail! as Sleepless in Seattle 2, all I could think was, "You know they're making the same movie over and over, but you're gonna see it anyway because you have nothing to sigh over with the other soccer moms if you don't..." I'm proud to say I've never seen either one.
The Yankee/rapist redneck thing... I may have to sit down later and blog my thoughts on Deliverance and the movies that have come since then.
It sounds like the plot (with all elements combined) of one of those "mega-teen movies" that are designed to do nothing more than suck the cash out of teenagers' pockets who think they are cool because the soundtrack features Good Charlotte so by seeing this movie the kids who got a ride to the local Googolplex in mom's minivan are cool.
Not going to happen, my friend.
This are all great ideas and I for one agree with them all. The only scary that we actually own is Scream. That is the only one that has been made recently worth owning in my book. But then again I am not a real scary movie type of person. A sci fi is good. It depends on how its made. Not into romance movies as much as I like a good romance novel. LOL.. But they should try putting all these in one when they make there next movie.
LMAO...Good post....and yeah those movies are soooo predictable...
Peace
it's okay hammer, just take a deep breath, and feel the calm. lmaoooooooooo
How about one where a Catholic priest isn't a child molester, and doesn't have to choose between breaking the sanctity of confession and letting a murderer go free?
Looking forward to Tom & Meg's upcoming independent movie! I'll get the pop corn!!
All movies seem to be the same ole same ole. That's why I stick to Independent films and documentaries usually. Of course, I HAVE to get my fix of reality TV: Top Chef!
How about a movie where a young college kid drops 4 hits of acid and while he's trippin, he solves the perpetual motion puzzle, invents the pocket bidet and figures out a workable diplomatic solution to world peace? Not really...the story actually goes like this...he thinks he can fly and jumps off the dorm roof to his demise and his mom goes on a "just say no" campaign for the next 20 years.
I still think there's room for at least three more Police Academy movies though - Guttenburg could use the work.
I'm still waiting for the bad guys to win one!!
Methinks that all this movie watching has left you somewhat down on Hollywood's output.
We get netflix movies and my wife and younger daughter keep most of the latest releases cycling through the house and the only one I sat through the whole thing in the last three months was Letters From Iwo Jima. I fully planned to get up and leave if it started to suck, but I was pleasantly surpised. Depressing, but a good movie anyway.
Weird things start to happen and all the teenagers get in the car and leave the spooky place and go out drinking. And then they all die anyway in a car wreck.
I actually thought I recognise a couple of movies.
1) that horror film I never watched because it's too scary for me, in corn fields.
2) Sounds a bit like Mission to Mars, I was quite surprised the nice funny black guy did not die, very unsual.
3) Little Miss Sunshine was a bit like that. Maybe there was some toothless inbred guy with bad hiegine, but no rapist.
4) Actually, The Great Escape doesn't.
5) Actually, I can very well imagined that at the end of the show in Manhattan, you can imagine them going to their dinner and have some passionate sex (eww) and the next day deciding that it won't work out and go their separate ways.
Great, now who's the geek who spends too much time watching movies???
Worse, I've used 'actually' three times in one frigging post!!!! Gonna have to brush up on my English grammar.
Or a historical epic where they don't completely fuck up the history to make the story more interesting to stupid teenagers? Drives me crazy.
A longggggg time ago we used to go out to watch a film on a Thursday night - life took over in the interim.
Mind you I think I prefer TIVO anyway.
Yours, the person with no life
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