Smart dog

Around 1994 A relative was moving in to an apartment and asked us if we could take her dog.
We had one mixed breed canine pet already, but a had a big yard and thought maybe they could be playmates or whatever.
The Cousin brought the dog over, it was a 10Lb pomeranian. It seemed ok, pretty friendly and outgoing. It took to the house right away so we agreed.
The dog was 5 years old, house trained and had all it's shots. The only thing was, that the dog had epilepsy. We were warned it had an episode once a month or so.
The dogs name was apple jack. If that isn't the fucking gayest name for a boy dog I don't know what is. They said just to call it AJ. I guess that was slightly better.
AJ waited by the front door all day waiting for his owner to come back, he eventually gave up and jumped up on the couch and stared us in the eye as if to say,"when the fuck is my mom coming home?"
Gradually the dog got to know us and our other dog which was coincidenally named DJ.
We soon found out that AJ and DJ sounded exactly the same to both dogs and would both come running if we called either of their names.
Then they would look at each other and look at us as if to say "who the fuck are you talking to?"
We decided to call AJ "Jack" to alleviate any confusion. He seemed to like his new name and learned it within hours.
Jack had a giant back yard to play in and spent a lot of time burrowed under a large honeysuckle vine/bush. He used to fuck with us and to hide when we called him.
I would have to beat the bushes with a rake to get him to come out.
When it was bed time Jack expected to sleep on the bed. That was fine, DJ had an old clothes basket she slept in so there was no jealousy issue.
But when I would put my hand down to lift the dog on the bed he would run to the other side, then my wife would reach down and he would run to my side again.
If we stopped playing his stupid little game he would bark his ass off. So finally I would have to chase his ass down grab him and put him up on the bed. Then he would sleep all night.
When we would come home from work, Jack would be happy to see us and would pretend to want to lick our faces but he usually bit my wife on the nose to punish her for being gone all day.
We had to pop his mouth a couple of times to teach him who was boss.
That is when he had his first seizure. He started walking funny then he got bug eyed then did a five foot back flip into the air and just laid on the ground and shook. There was nothing we could do. Every muscle in the dogs body was rigid and he drooled what seemed a gallon all over his fur.
We held him and it was over in about 10 minutes. Slowly he would regain control of his body and then he was back to normal like nothing had happened.
This kind of scared the shit out of us, but the vet said there wasn't anything we could do.
We moved to a new house soon after and Jack decided he liked the old one better. He moved a large trashcan away from the gate, squeezed through and started running towards what he thought was home. Luckily our new neighbors caught him. We could never stop him from escaping. After that first day he just walked around the block from the alley to get into the front yard.
I have no idea how it knew which house was his. Several times I would be under a car fixing something when he would run up and lick my face. That little bastard.
This dog loved salad, cucumbers tomatoes, jalapenos etc.. He would only beg for vegetables. He eventually learned how to open the refrigerator and retrieve carrots for himself. He loved ranch dressing and chips and salsa. He wouldn't touch a chip unless it had some sort of dip on it.
He was a pretty good dog overall
One day we saw him in action. My son had left a carrot stick on the middle of the table. Jack jumped up and used his paw to reach the treat and slide the food over to his mouth. He had a very long attention span and never lost sight of his goal.
By this time, I had experimented with various herbs to get his seizures under control. We were afraid he was going to hurt himself. I found out that liquid Valerian root extract stopped his epilepsy completely. Once a week was enough. It was hard to give it to him because the medicine smelled exactly like dirty feet and as soon as the dog saw the bottle come out he would grit his teeth and make me fight him.
In 1995 We adopted a stray female dog and named it Lucky. Jack liked it because she was a puppy. She was much bigger and when they would play tug of war with a stuffed toy she would drag him all over the wood floors. He was the perfect dust mop.
One evening we were watching TV and we heard "slurp slurp slurp", I got off the couch and saw Jack lapping the juice from Lucky's female parts. He was loving it and Lucky didn't seem to mind either.
It looked and sounded nasty. Apparently Lucky was getting all grown up and Jack found him a tasty pussy fountain. We couldn't get them to stop or move to the other room. He wanted to do it right in front of the TV.
I couldn't take watching the doggie porno any longer, so we had to get her fixed to dry up the liquid refreshments.
One day my nephew had come over to play cards with us and hang out. There were a few other relatives there and my nephew started acting up, it seemed puberty was rearing it's ugly head and the kid was testing his smart assed mouth. I loved the kid but he was pissing me off.
I had been sharing my Guinness with Jack in a little bowl by my chair. Jack would only drink expensive beer, I tried giving him a miller lite once, he gave me an eat shit and die look, then barked at me because I was drinking an import. Anyway, my nephew's smart assed comments were getting more and more annoying. His mother wasn't correcting him and my gentle admonishments weren't working either.
Jack stumbled over and proceeded to piss all over nephew's legs and feet. It was a beautiful thing. I thought my nephew was going to cry. The dog had never pissed in the house before, but this time he had found the perfect target.
Jack was a good dog. He died at 10 years old from a massive seizure in the back yard. I wasn't aware that he died till the next morning when my 3 year old son saw him. "Dad! Jackie has bugs "
He was the first dog that I ever buried on my own. It was pretty tough.
I'm not sure if I'll ever find another dog with that much personality
34 Comments:
I almost gagged over the "slurp, slurp, slurp" and doggie porno." I can't stand when a dog bites at themselves making that friggin noise.
Valerian root smells like a mule's ass. Dirty feet ain't nothing like mule's ass!
Jack sounds like such a wonderful little character. Animals have always been my dearest friends and it sounds as if Mr. Apple Jack was yours. RIP - he's playing with a few of my pets.
One more thing: usually it is good to have similar pet names so that they all come with one calling! Especially when you start calling roll like grandma used to do when she couldn't get out the correct name!
Once I was on a "M" kick. I had Marti, Marli, Mindy, Mandy. (Still have Marli and Mandy; the other two are deceased.)
he sounds like a person! God, that must have been so difficult when he died.
I had NO IDEA that dogs um...gave head! whoa.
He sounds like a person, almost!
Never knew dogs could have epilepsy! Interesting.
What a wonderful dog story, Hammer! Except for the slurp, slurp, slurp thing which was definitely TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
I'm sorry for you that he's gone. My dog is my best friend and he's 16 years old. I don't know what I'm gonna do when he dies...
"...dry up the liquid refreshments."
I just snorted hot coffee through my nose.
Good story Hammer , the slurp bit would of been ok , if I wasnt eating a smoked salmon sandwich at the time ! .
Its great when you have a dog with personality , and very hard when they go :-(
What a wonderful furface tale! I do have one comment tho...
As for the "eat shit and die look" Jack gave you for offering up the Miller Lite... you deserved it my friend!
Aw, great dog story. I don't usually read stuff like this because I know the dog will die at the end and depress me for the rest of the day, but somehow this wasn't depressing.
Nomas: lol mules ass, I take the valerian stuff myself sometimes and now that will be what I think of.
M: Yeah dogs seem to be orally fixated, thank god they can't make a fist or that would really be a mess ;)
kathb: epilepsy was the curse of this particular breed.
melodyann: It's always tough to lose a pet. At least they live longer and healthier than they used to.
tony: lol sorry about the coffee :)
Beast: Salmon is an unfortunate food to be eating during a dog slurp story ;)
cheesy: Yeah I found out friends don't offer friends miller lite ;)
Janet: thanks, I try to stay upbeat on these things, Lucky is still around if that helps :)
My parents used to have two miniature poodles, brother and sister. The male had epilepsy, and when he had a seizure, the female would bark to let us know. Like you said, there is nothing you can do, just comfort them.
A lot of people have dogs and never appreciate them - it's good to hear a good story about a great dog.
I could tell the dog was above average intelligence when it turned down the Miller Lite.
That dog was smarter than a lot of people I know.
On a side note, I just played that rant video below.... I'll be sending the link to my Mom - that will brighten her day. She hates Starbucks.
What a beautiful (and truthful, slurping & all) tribute to this wonderful four-legged friend. Should we ever move, the new owners will hopefully never have occassion to badco our side yard. If so, they will probably call the feds on me, as that is our little pet cemetary.
I love the fact that he peed on your nephew because it shows one of the many valuable things we find in our pets... they can do things we can only dream about.
Interesting story. I lost a great dog and had to bury her on my birthday once.
Ah, well, life goes on doesn't it?
I'm going to get in trouble for laughing at work here (vis. the bug eyed back flip bit).
Man,I'm still havng issues with "little dog syndrom".
Don't know if I can get emotionally behind little Jack here.
Too many yaps in the recesses of my mind...
Jack sounds like he was a great dog. I love how he hated Miller Lite, that's a very smart dog there.
Call me sappy here. I love dogs. Aj looks so cute in that pix if it is him. I remember this one time that my grandma called us at like 3 in the morning and her dog couldnt get up and she called my mom and dad to come get him to take to my godfather and they had to shoot him. He was paralyzed in the hind legs. He was old anyway but hard to see go. I was only about 8 at the time. I was the only child that he would let near him. The hardest part on that was when they brought him back to bury him in grandmas yard I had no idea what was in the black plastic bag they had put him in. Actually thinking about it they didnt bury him in grandmas yard they buried hiim in ours. Anyway it sucked. When you find a great dog like that you dont find others just like them do you? They are hard to replace.
My dog had epilepsy. He seemed to have an episode when he got a little dehydrated but perhaps it was something else. He only liked to drink soft water and would choose the toilet bowl over the hard but filtered water in his dish. He used to be a yappy thing but now that he's deaf he only barks to go out then in then be given a treat. He also hasn't had an episode since he became deaf so I'm wondering if excitability was part of it.
Small dogs are kinda gay but I like them when they don't yap.
Hammer what a great doggy tale. It had everything needed to make it a hit...it was heartwarming & funny, yet at moments it was sad & yes even erotic. I think you might have a new disney movie here! :)
If you thought Apple Jack was gay, my Golden retreiver's name is Hollywood? Everyone calls him Holly for short...poor dog.
I hate when pets die. Adam almost gave up on having pets when I had to put his cat down because she was so sick. After about 2 years he finally gave into a needy cat.
sounded like an interesting dog! bet he made life a lot more fun!!! LOL
You wanna talk about a Gay name for a dog? My male Dog's name is Cinnamon...how gay is that?
Flyinfox_SATX
I thought you might miss me -now I know
walrilla: yeah we felt helpless when the dog had an episode. The 5 foot flip was the most disturbing part.
ryan: yeah a good dog warms the heart. Almost as good as a good kid. That dog taught me not to drink miller lite ;)
skinnylittle blonde: I was sad when I had to move from the house where jack was buried. I know it's just a body but it's the thought.
bbc: indeed: the only time I ever saw my dad cry is when he buried dogs. You are right though, life goes on no matter what.
Stucco I thought it was another one of his tricks until he didn't get up.
Scott: pomeranians were bred for yapping by the english. They used them as alarm dogs. The only problem I had was the car, he wouldn't shaddap for nothing.
Brandon: He had high class tastes lol
Tweety: it's hard to put a dog down, I use a vet and pay the 30 bucks. I've never killed anything myself. I mourn my dogs more than some people.
jeannie: It may have been sound triggering it. glad his episodes have stopped. It can be unnnerving
mrsjosegoldbloom: lol I never thought of a movie adaptation of his life. Gay dog names... I'm sure they feel ashamed ;)
carrie: After my childhood dogs went I never wanted to go through that sadness again, but it's hard to live always afraid of loss.
thepinkangel: It was especially fun to watch him outsmart unsuspecting humans :)
flyinfox: lol named after a stripper? ;)
mutley: lol indeed. BTW you have a cameo in my 6th video a couple of posts back.
Hammer,
Nomas said it perfectly !
Jack sounds like he was a great pet !
Hope that you and your family have a wonderful Easter weekend !
Dogs are cool fellers. I've never known one that you didn't have to deal with some sort of gross bodily function/mating issues.
Jack sounds like a trip. We have little dogs and one of the things that makes me laugh and be scared for them at the same time is how the little ones have no idea they're little. Our scamps wouldn't even be finger food for your average german shepherd or chow, but they act like they can take 'em.
I think the little farts really add a lot to our lives.
typical male.... only wants to do it in front of the TV!!
Annie: thanks, have a good Easter.
Jam: little dogs have a napolean complex, my dad has lost several to the german shephards next door to him.
infinitesimal: I know, nasty bastards lol
Man, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack laughin' my ass off at that one. The doggie sex killed me. Sounds like he was a one of a kind buddy. Our Pugs were always my best friends growin' up, and they all had different personalities. I took the last one, Rascal, to the vet to be put down when the time came and insisted on holding him as they gave him the injection. I'd always felt bad about how the others were treated, handed off to strangers. He went limp in my arms and I thought I was gonna fuckin' die. He was finally free of all the pain if arthritis and back trouble. I'll never forget it. There's no love like that, in my experience. Hope to see him again some day. Only reason why I want to go.
Being a "dog person," I fully understand the link between family and dog. It's hard to part with them. I had to part with a beautiful black lab named "Buddy" in SC. Hard. Amazing how much they wind their way into your life.
That dog looks exactly like my Shaggy. I took him from a family member that wasn't paying him enough attention. He loves car rides but I have cats so he stays outside plus he was never house trained so it works out.
fathairybastard: I regret not being there for my other dogs that have been euthanized. It's sad to see them get sick and go.
gunny: they are like kids but more loyal and better behaved ;)
snowmanpoop: Mine hated the car but loved outside until he started shitting in his fur then he wanted on my lap :)
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