Thursday, April 12, 2007

100 things about me...damn

1. I was born at high noon but I almost always skip lunch.

2. I lived with my grandmother for the first three weeks of my life because my mother had post part em depression issues.

3. Post part em issues continued till I was 18

4. I hate clowns and always have.

5. I used to wish I was a dog.

6. I used to draw a comic strip for my friends called pukeamungus


7. I've been a staunch conservative since I was 13

8. I voted for Ross Perot

9. I like KimChee

10. I've never killed anything on purpose

11. I've been a Vegetarian almost my whole life.

12. I've been told I grill the best steaks one's ever eaten.

13. I bite my nails to the point of blood loss

14. Monkeys disgust me.

15. I think cows are noble

16. I was thrown from a horse when I was 6 but it didn't scare me.

17. My grandfather smoked a pipe and I've always loved the smell of tobacco

18. Nearly everyone in my family is a diabetic

19. I've never had a cavity

20. I went to catholic school from kindergarten to 2nd grade

21. My best friend in kindergarten was killed in a car crash and nobody knew we were close.

22. Since playing with girls was verboten in Catholic school I always played with them at recess in public school.

23. I love driving shitty old cars.

24. I have a reoccurring nightmare about being eaten by a demonic station wagon

25. I try to be objective but am very superstitious.

26. I often wish I could go back in time knowing what I know now.

27. I like eating raw lemons

28. Sweet pickles is the only food that makes me gag.

29. I lost a tooth in kindergarten and thought I was a vampire for a day.

30. My favorite color is blue

31. I think retarded people's parents should dress them better.

32. I've never thrown a punch in anger

33. I like full figured women

34. I've never dated anyone over 5ft 1

35. I 'm not fond of hippies but I like their music

36. My favorite cereal of all time is smurf berry crunch

37. Harry Truman is my favorite president.

38. I never ask for autographs or speak to celebrities

39. Tommy Lee Jones shops at my grocery store.

40. Some of my best friends have been major assholes.

41. I was raised to fear and hate cops.

42. I think child beauty contests are disgusting.

43. I once let my pet turtle take a shit in my friends bed.

44. I'm a practical joker

45. I have a crude juvenile sense of humor.

46. I hate nudity in movies

47. I love profanity in movies.

48. I think it's hilarious when old people shoot the bird.

49. I wish gay people would go be more discrete with PDA (public displays of affection)

50. I have a high pain threshold.

51. Shopping at craft stores makes me inexplicably angry

52. I think car salesmen are on the same level as injury lawyers

53. I once was accused of losing a box worth several million dollars

54. Some people make me feel stupid and don't mean to.

55. I can do math in my head but not on paper

56. Geometry makes perfect sense to me

57. I have every Black Sabbath song memorized.

58. I had undiagnosed ADD when I was a kid

59. My mother threatened to institutionalize me when I was in second grade.

60. I listen to oldies more than any other type of music.

61. I have a hard time remembering 2000 - 2003

62. Sometimes I think roadkill can be funny.

63. When I was a kid I would feed my school lunch to stray dogs

64. I'm extremely lucky in all ways.

65. I create my own misfortune.

66. I think we could live without laws save for the golden rule

67. In middle school and high school I always wanted my hot female teachers to hit on me

68. I get embarrassed easily

69. My best friend was abducted by aliens who pretended to be Jesus and never realized it.

70. I've always been rational and people have often hated me for it.

71. I befriend the most unlikable people

72. Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth but it's usually from lack of information.

73. I think papaya smells like shit.

74. I'm self conscious to the point of it being debilitating

75. I fantasize about being a vigilante

76. I make a point to make faces at babies to get them to smile

77. I always over tip unless they really piss me off.

78. I always complain or write letters about bad service.

79. Self destructive people infuriate me

80. I used to let people punch me in the stomach as hard as they could for money and prestige

81. Once I commit to a goal it never eludes me

82. People have told me I'm the greatest bullshitter they have ever met even though I don't lie.

83. I once cut myself so I could see my blood with my microscope and slide kit.

84. I eat 2 dozen eggs a week

85. I sometimes carry three concealed handguns.

86. I'm a huge science buff and read anything and everything about space exploration.

87. I like Star Trek but I'm not a nerd about it

88. The Blues Brothers is my favorite movie of all time.

89. Sam Elliot is my favorite actor

90. Incompetence is my biggest pet peeve.

91. I'm often mistaken for Silent Bob

92. My neighbors dislike me but not for the right reasons.

93. I have my days and nights mixed up

94. My wife thinks it's funny when women hit on me.

95. I'm mean to telemarketers who read from a script badly.

96. I'm 80% Irish 8% Mexican and 12% Sioux Indian

97. I have no idea why I do these stupid memes

98. I'm the hardest worker I know.

99. Cowards and bullies disgust me.

100. I'm a frequent target for energy vampires.






Labels:

44 Comments:

At April 12, 2007 at 10:33 PM , Anonymous No Mas said...

Hammer - you are such a trip. I am unsure why but i think alot of these make you a contradiction within yourself - or as i told you previously - an enigma. If i only knew as much about my own husband after 16 yrs as i know abouot you in just reading your blog.

 
At April 12, 2007 at 10:41 PM , Anonymous skinnylittlesister said...

Lol, very interesting list there Hammer!
#19-No Cavities, Ever? Wow!
#35-People say I look like a hippie, all the time & always have.
#57-I love Black Sabbath, lol, but they are not very conservative.
#64-Wanna buy a lotto ticket for me? ;)

 
At April 12, 2007 at 10:47 PM , Anonymous Rose said...

71 explains why you like me. lol I'm so not listing 100 things. I'm still working on five things.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 12:39 AM , Anonymous KB said...

You're a vegetarian and cook the best steaks!!! That's unusual.

#26: wish I could too
#31: I have thought that often!
Tommy Lee shops at your grocery store? That's crazy!
What happened to your memory from 2000-2003???
2 dozen eggs? Blimey! My Mum often says she reckons she could eat a dozen in one sitting!!! Not raw!! :)

What a cool mix Irish Mexican and Sioux........the Native American culture intrigues me.

Very interesting meme.....Don't think I'll do that one tho =)

 
At April 13, 2007 at 12:42 AM , Anonymous Infinitesimal said...

# 69 needs its own post for sure

yours are way better than mine i think

best must read them over in the morning

i am an energy vampire, but like in a good way, sort of like the good witch in wizard of oz... i guess, i mean you cannot help what you are, right?

yeah, if i think of what you look like, i actually picture silent bob... haha with a zz top twist.

do you use herbal essences?

 
At April 13, 2007 at 2:35 AM , Anonymous kat said...

100 interesting facts. You mean you aren't a vigilante?

 
At April 13, 2007 at 2:38 AM , Anonymous Gunny John said...

Uhhh, what's an energy vampire? To me, that simply means stupid people. They tend to suck the life out of you...

 
At April 13, 2007 at 2:54 AM , Anonymous Lexcen said...

96. How do you work out the percentages of your ethnicity?

 
At April 13, 2007 at 3:10 AM , Anonymous AlanDP said...

I've always called them psychic vampires, but I think it's the same. I've had problems with them, too.

I've never carried more than 2 concealed handguns.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 5:16 AM , Anonymous BEAST said...

#64 is obviously wrong , as I am commenting on your blog :-)

 
At April 13, 2007 at 6:08 AM , Anonymous Hammer said...

nomas: Yeah I guess most of my life is a contradiction of one sort or another.

skinnylittleblonde: I only win enough on the lotto to keep playing. a hundred here or there. Its an uphill battle ;)

Rose: I wouldn't call you a 71 lol but I'm still an fan anyway :)

KB: Tommy lee Jones the gruff actor not the drummer :) and not sure what happened to those years I think I was asleep.

Kat: sort of but only on special occasions ;)

gunny: Yeah sort of, but mostly "woe is me I want you to listen to me complain for 6 hours but will do absolutely nothing to fix my problems" sort of thing

Lexcen: I just counted back to my great grandparents who were fairly un-mixed back then and extrapolated.

Alan: Yep that too. I carry three sometimes because I have to pull out the car gun if someone takes my vehicle somewhere and I'm not in it.

beast: Quite the opposite ;)

 
At April 13, 2007 at 6:30 AM , Anonymous Ordinary Janet said...

If I saw Tommy Lee Jones at the store I'd faint. I might ask for an autograph first but I'd faint.

Last night I watched a show about kiddie beauty pageants. What in hell is wrong with those mothers? Sick.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 7:25 AM , Anonymous IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

I love Tommy Lee Jones. He's hot.

And I agree with you on the mothers of retarded kids dressing their kids better.

Good Job Hammer I loved this.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 7:28 AM , Anonymous Doggy Smile said...

Good Friday morning Hammer ! I rarely if ever drink alcohol, so I had nothing to add to yesterday's post, but today's, oh boy !!!

We have 7, 8, 30, 38, 49, 52, 60, 64, 55, 77 and 90 in common.

27 blew me away. I dind't know anyone else who did that but me !!!! I have a meyer lemon tree in my backyard, and have been known to eat them with joy...

How can 11 and 12 co-exist ?

19 - you've never had a cavity ??? Lucky you are indeed !

26 - no kidding ! don't we all !!!

81... almost every one... I'll let you know hen I get the final one.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 7:32 AM , Anonymous MrsJoseGoldbloom said...

Great List Hammer, I could relate to many of the things you listed.

Jose also had undiagnosed ADD as a child and it caused him much grief at school and at home.

Your best friend was abducted by aliens pretending to be Elvis??? LOL

 
At April 13, 2007 at 7:49 AM , Anonymous Jeannie said...

A lot of these crack me up.
Yes, please more on #69
I would be self conscious if I carried 3 concealed weapons. I guess you do that because you want to be a vigilante.
I was nearly a vegetarian when I was a teen. I wouldn't eat beef but there were people who would only order the steak sandwich if I was behind the grill.
I don't know how you come up with all these interesting tidbits about yourself. You make memes ok.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 8:04 AM , Anonymous Judith said...

Im totally with you on 75!
Youre a scorpio arent you??

 
At April 13, 2007 at 8:31 AM , Anonymous Hammer said...

janet: Mr Jones is a total asshole to people who approach or comment to him in public. And yeah I accidentally walked into a pageant in the mall and about had a conniption whe I saw the freakish nature of the mothers and they way they spoke to their daughters.

Snowmanpoop: He looks taller and older in person.

annie: I'm glad to see we have so much in common :) With Vegetarianism I don't push it on anyone and still like to cook for my family. I got into lemons when they were prescribed for a salivary gland infection when I was a kid. Now I'm hooked.

Mrsjosegoldbloom: I was lucky I grew out of my ADD. I'll have to do a post on the abduction.

jeannie: Actually the concealed carry and the vigilante stuff are totally seperate. I know that sounds weird. The three guns is to keep them out of reach of unsafe hands until I can get them back to lock them up.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 8:32 AM , Anonymous Hammer said...

Judith: You're correct! Were you peeking at my profile? ;)

 
At April 13, 2007 at 9:01 AM , Anonymous The Phosgene Kid said...

Kimchee tastes like old gym socks. Sorry,but there it is...

 
At April 13, 2007 at 9:18 AM , Anonymous tweetey30 said...

Yeah wow no cavities ever??? That is great. But you would hate going into a craft store with me then. I love my yarn and hubby helps me pick out my colors usually. Black Sabbath now. We have one cd and I am not sure which one it is. I will look and let you know sometime. Its in the basement where the cd player is. But this was cool.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 9:31 AM , Anonymous Infinitesimal said...

someone asked what an energy vampire is

i dunno,

i just know that i can feel the energy from a person who sat in a seat before me

and if i am close to them, i can feel the energy from another person

and if we are driving and i look out the window and don't watch the road, (as a passenger) the car starts to head in the direction of where i am looking

when i walk into a business, about 10 minutes later, it is full of customers. businesses that i frequent remark that it happens every time and that it is slow all week until i come in

so, in a good way i guess, maybe not a vampire, maybe a fairy?

my friend Mark swears that I float.

hahaha I remember trying to teach my brothers how to float when we were kids.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 9:38 AM , Anonymous Carrie said...

I just learned so much about you yet I must ask about the guns. We have several guns in my house. My question is why? You said that you haven't ever killed anything on purpose and you are a vegetarian so you obviously don't hunt. So is it fear? Or do you just like collecting? I'm sorry, I am just nosey and like to know how people tick.

I'm sorry about your mom doing what she has to you. That sucks.

I voted for Ross Perot too.

I love Tommy Lee Jones. That is so cool.

I listen to oldies too. I just can't get into modern music. And are you a Dio Sabbath fan or an Ozzy Sabbath fan?

 
At April 13, 2007 at 9:56 AM , Anonymous Ryan said...

3 concealed handguns + sioux, irish, and mexican = Someone I don't particularily want to piss off.

I am making a few mental notes here...

 
At April 13, 2007 at 10:45 AM , Anonymous BBC said...

Boy, 100 things is a lot to write about. And read. LOL

Things are pretty interesting here in Billyville right now. But it gives me things to do and write about. LOL

 
At April 13, 2007 at 10:54 AM , Anonymous Freddie said...

"21. My best friend in kindergarten was killed in a car crash and nobody knew we were close."

How very sad.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 11:04 AM , Anonymous Mushy said...

It must take a lot of energy just being you.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 11:17 AM , Anonymous mutleythedog said...

100 things Mr H??? You have the biggest meme in the world!

 
At April 13, 2007 at 11:19 AM , Anonymous mutleythedog said...

I was thinking of leaving a hundred comments Mr H - but I don't have the energy. Er... I like the Blues Brothers, but BB2 was terrible...

 
At April 13, 2007 at 11:34 AM , Anonymous Cheesy said...

Why are all the interesting ones married?? lol

But alas I'm 5' 3 and a semi hippy.. and a liberal... sigh

Oh well... make me a cocktail plz...

:o)

 
At April 13, 2007 at 11:35 AM , Anonymous This is me. said...

Tommy Lee Jones has a ranch about two hours from here in a town I used to live in. He frequented the small town diner and would sit in the booth for hours drinking coffee and staring out the window. Those who dared to bother him for an autograph were publicly humiliated.

Good thing you don't talk to celebs or ask for autographs. A good practice, indeed, when it comes to TLJ.

I am willing to wager that I can quote the Blues Brothers word for word. When the cable guy came to install service, he offered me $300 for my BB Movie poster. I refused to part with it.

And Sam Elliott is hot.

And I think Jeannie is planning a trip to Texas. I told her we would stalk you, kidnap you, take you out drinking and to karaoke and then dump you on the front lawn at 2:30AM. We will not hit on you. We just wanna go have some fun.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 12:15 PM , Anonymous Hammer said...

Phosgene: I go to a korean place that serves 9 types at once. I politely push away the socks one ;)

Tweety: But I do grind my teeth and have to wear a mouthpiece. which sucks.

inifini: you're a magnet :) not a thief. I conserve mine and share it when I can. I wish places would stay empty when I come in but alas like you they fill up as soon as I walk in.

Carrie: I like to collect, target shoot, keep a couple for defense but mostly enjoy owning something with history behind it.
I like ozzy sabbath, Dio Dio, and Ozzy Ozzy ;)

Ryan: lol there's nothing to worry about since I don't eat red meat I'm cool as a cucumber as long you don't take me into a craft store. ;)

bbc: I'll come by and check out billyville. :)

Freddie: I got on the bus and the driver was crying and he told us what happened. I didn't believe him till I saw the empty seat where we normally sat together. I kept expecting her to be there the next time because I didn't know what death was about exactly.

mushy: Yeah I have to drink a lot of red bull ;)

mutley: I'm an over-achiever in cyberspace. The hundred comments would be nice but I'm sure Baby Jesus wll beat you to it ;)
BB2 Was an abomination and should be shown in prisons only.

Cheesy: I doubt you smell bad ;) I wear tie dyed shirts and have long hair. I can get along with Liberals as long as we don't talk about craft stores ;)


marianne: TLJ Humilated the cashier at the HEB and made her cry after she got all excited to see him. He was smirking when he was walking out and the poor girl looked like someone kiled her puppy. I wanted to ram him with my grocery cart.

I could stand a kidnapping ;)

 
At April 13, 2007 at 12:51 PM , Anonymous Cheesy said...

Oh thats ok...I smell like paint~ we can talk about home improvement stores! LOL

 
At April 13, 2007 at 2:40 PM , Anonymous JP said...

Energy Vampires suck the wind out of you. After a brief time with one, you come away exhausted as they go off refueled. Sometimes just the sound of one's voice can wear me out.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 3:32 PM , Anonymous Little Lamb said...

You have very interesting posts.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 8:58 PM , Anonymous Scott from Oregon said...

A hunned is a very big numbah Mr. Hammer!


I have no idea how you finished that off.

Ohh, and the golden rule doesn't help people know who has the right of way at a four way...

Chaos is not pretty...

 
At April 13, 2007 at 9:54 PM , Anonymous IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

I must have missed #48 the first time but yeah me too.

 
At April 13, 2007 at 11:30 PM , Anonymous M said...

what an interesting list.

I'm with you on #26 oh yes.

As for #49 I wish the same for STRAIGHT people as well.

#92 is begging to have a blog post written about it ;)

 
At April 14, 2007 at 12:16 AM , Anonymous OneFullHouse said...

Hmmm.... I'm still trying to figure out #61. Why exactly are you having a hard time remembering 3 years of your life? I believe that one may require more detail for us nosy folks...

 
At April 14, 2007 at 12:30 AM , Anonymous Hammer said...

Cheesy: thats more like it :)

jp: sounds like you know exactly what I'm talking about. I wonder if wooden stakes work.

little lamb: thanks :)

Scott: It took about 7 beers to get me through all 100. Lots of beaning m head on the desk too ;)

4 way stops...total chaos here in my town. everybody drinks retarded juice here.

snowmanpoop: Yeah I guess it's the taboo.

M: I agree on the straight PDA but to tell you the truth I haven't seen it happen in years. hehe I'll work on 92.

vancouver: I think I was physically sick, depressed and emotionally drained from being screwed over several times by people close to me. Come to think of it not sure if I want to remember.

 
At April 15, 2007 at 12:09 AM , Anonymous FHB said...

That's a lot of stuff to think about. Relate to about 25 of the 100, which I think is pretty good. We should be neighbors. We'd like each other better than the ones we have now.

 
At April 15, 2007 at 1:36 AM , Anonymous Cindi said...

"62. Sometimes I think roadkill can be funny."


My Dad has a friend (they met when both were members of a black powder gun club)who has a twisted sense of humor. This guy has a photo album of pictures he has taken of roadkill. He would place an elegant looking table setting around the roadkill right there on the pavement(silverware, napkins, glasses)and snap the picture from above looking down at it. I am not making this up!
This guy looks like one of the ZZ Top members...mountain man type, extremely down-to-earth and funny as hell.

 
At April 15, 2007 at 6:23 AM , Anonymous Hammer said...

FHB: Damn straight :) 25 is pretty good.

cindi: that is hilarious and exactly what I'm refering too. I saw a book in a roadside stop that had the kind of pictures you describe.

 
At April 16, 2007 at 1:53 AM , Anonymous Judith said...

no honestly it just takes one to know one

 

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