There are some things I just cannot abide.
Thongs.
C'mon! Who in the hell wants to floss their pink starfish every time they take a step?
I remember when I was a kid my underwear would creep and it was not at all a pleasant experience.. I know I know... it's about pantie lines, but these days, every time some girl bends over or sits in a chair half the fucking thing is flying out of the back of their pants.
It's called "UNDER FUCKING WEAR" because you are supposed to WEAR IT... UNDER YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES!
Men who wear makeup and highlight their hair.
Jimminy Christmas! Does oil of olay and sunny highlights in el pompadour really get guys laid more often? I know what really happens... They leave the bar, go back to her place, gossip and paint each others toenails. Then they fall asleep watching re-runs of Will and Grace.
Baggy pants with the crotch at street level.
On New Years day, I saw a grown man outside with his entire ass hanging out of his pants. His belt was buckled at thigh level about 4 notches too tight. This asshat was hunched over and waddling around for the sake of some fucked up gang banger fashion.
If this pathetic white boy ever ran into some real gang bangers, he would wish he had learned to pull up his fucking pants that's for damn sure.
The stubble/unshaven/dirty fucking bum/K Fed look
Either grow a beard or don't. All these fuckers with the 3 day fashion stubble look like disgusting pieces of loser crap. If you can't grow a real beard then stop trying. Another thing..all you unwashed geeks out there that think your little face wispies make you look tough and cool, Think again... You look like your mama doesn't love you enough to kick your ass into the shower and Nair that ugly shit off your chin.
Low rider jeans.
Jesus! What the fuck is up with the incredible disappearing pants? Beepity Beep Beep News flash Matilda.... I don't want to see your hairy lint filled ass crack while I'm eating at the food court. Who in the fucks idea was it to cut four inches off the tops of everyone's pants?
Is this some kind of insidious fashion terrorism? If I ever go to the Walmart and see that they've done that shit to my Wranglers I'm going to go rip off some heads and shit down some necks.
Oh lordy. Buy a fucking backpack, briefcase, planner, or just don't carry so much crap. What the fuck dude? You need that purse for all your butt plugs and lip gloss? ...and one more thing: that little leather thing on one strap is not a back pack you fruity assed, rump ranger.
posted by Bill Rowland @ January 06, 2007
39 Comments
39 Comments:
1.Underwear, usually I don't wear it,and I don't mind seeing a flash of the beaver, it makes my day.
2.I would adapt a mince walk if it would improve my chances with women (definitely not she-men) but I doubt it's efficacy.
3.Stubble. Touche. I am guilty here. No excuses, I'm just lazy.
4.Low riders...mmmm
5.Man bags. Never,never,never,ever.Thats strictly for those Parisian guys who have lost their briefcase.
You know, this also show how brainwashed we human are. We follow the trend as an order by Hitler.
I hate it when I see men has their jeans so low so it looks as if they have shit on themselves... Please, pull up the jeans, it looks nothing less than stupid.
Thank goodness somebody finally said this! Bravo Hammer.
ROFLMAO!!! Butt Floss is my label for that... and I have always thought it was amazingly tacky to see some gal with it hanging out of her pants!
Guys with purses and those idiots who wear their pants around their legs make me nuts! Funny thing... one of my sons thought it would be cool to try that when it first hit the fashion scene. I told him several times to knock it off and pull up his pants... he chose to ignore me, so the next time we were in public and he pulled that, I stepped behind him, grabbed is "falling down" jeans, and yanked them down to his ankles! Worked like a charm. ;)
I've never understood how fat people can talk themselves into feeling good about themselves. The truth of the matter is that they are fucking fat!!
They take up to much space and often are in the way. They even require extra things that we have to help pay for, like handicapped parking spaces (don't get me started on the lazy fucks that aren't fat) and stronger hospital beds.
Their only good feature is that they don't live as long and I'm thankful for that.
As for clothes, I think there is to much skin showing these days, and a lot of it is ugly. Lady, I don't want to see the stretch marks and roll of fat on your gut and backside, just cover it the fuck up. Thanking you in advance.
I suppose that some of them think it is sexy, but I think it is a real turn off. There just isn't that many people (monkeys) that look good with just a few clothes on.
Okay, having said that, if you have nice breasts I wouldn't mind a gander, at least at the cleavage.
One more thing, if I never see another 'beaver' that is just fine with me, I don't think they are that interesting to look at. And that is not why they are there anyway.
They are there to give you a real good feel good feeling. :-)
Oh HAMMER, you are a crack-up !!!! You've said what I secretly think quite a few times ! Especially with the underwear and the low-rider jeans !!!
Have a good weekend !
Warmly,
Anne
Thongs...never understood why people wear them. The only time I found a use for them was snipping out the elastic for my slingshot.
Men should stay away from facial hair unless they can grow something to show for it, and both sexes should stay away from bags that aren't backpacks, duffels, or briefcases.
Low riders and baggy pants? Never understood those. One makes you look desperate, the other makes you look fresh out of prison (where you were someone's bitch - that's where the whole trend got started.) And by the way, with your pockets around the backs of your knees - talk about easy pickings!
Highlights and makeup - never cared, never will, unless it's beyond what a circus clown wears.
- ISU Tinkerer
Couldn't agree more with you Hammer
"Men who wear makeup and highlight their hair."
Are just an inch or two away from chugging cock.
Myself and a freind experienced the view of the whale tail last night at the bar. We were all like, "uggghhh!".
Please women, leave SOMETHING to the damn imagination.
The only people that find that sort of thing "sexy" is white trash that just stumbbled in from a "restlin" match with their sister.
Yeah, where the hell are the rest of MY pants!?!
1) Shut the fuck up BBC, you are shitty and lame, and old, and stupid, with a low grasp of the vernacular and you are mean too. You call yourself God and belittle other people. I bet you did not know that fat people also are most often the ones who got cock shoved in their mouths, asses, and ugly little beavers when they were 4 years old. (Or who were otherwise severely abused.) It is a wall of fat to insulate their emotions and make themselves unattractive, it is subconscious and it is really evidence of your prickish nature that you, Mr. God, do not know that... or maybe you are the type that did the shoving? Either way why do you give a rip if there needs to be a bigger hospital bed? Man, I hate old white men... they are so nrcissistic and stupid, breathe too much air and waste it criticizing other people. I have watched you get uglier and uglier as the weeks go by:
'Nobody understands you, your parents are idiots, you would like a missus, but would have to "train" her first....'
Just fuck right off, you worthless piece of snot.
2) I didn't know they made thongs that big!! But actually, they are really comfortable if you have a good fit, and also, a little known fact, they cut down on ass-sweat... think about it
3) That guy in makeup and frosted hair is hot, I'd do him right now. He would probably also do my brother. yikes
4) I was just wondering Hammer, about these saggy bottom boys when they turn 50, can you imagine them walking around with their drawers hanging down at retirement age? I was literally JUST wondering that yesterday.
and
you would be so proud. Once, in the Big City, I pulled down a pair of those pants just because it was so F-ing simple to do so. The guy looked at me like : "Who could do such a thing??" ME that's who. Sadly, that was in 1991, I think they are here to stay.
5) Stubble is sexy, but only if it is full beard stubble. I do not care what you say, it is SEXY! I like the way it feels on my neck, that's why
6) Those low-rider jeans piss me off, they are only for girls who fit Mr BBC's definition of beautiful. They actually "create" a jelly roll.
*Oh and PS you dum fuck, WOMEN have belly fat, it is a part of their makeup, it is a part of being fertile, it is called being healthy. Ergo (that means hence, therefor, it follows) women are gonna have a belly roll, it is a natural phenomenon*
7) Man bags are Gay. gay gay gay gay gay.
Thanks Hammer, for saying, and letting me say what needs to be said.
The baggy pants thing was from guys getting out of the joint and being handed street clothes that were too big for them. Not for easy access.
Thongs are fantastic inventions for sleek and slender woman who can wear them decently, as opposed to indecently, and on a beach on a babe are well worth the prive of the sunglasses you bought in order to oggle anon-style.
Make-up for dudes is a bit weird, but hey,whatever. If it makes them feel more "made-up", I won't argue with them. They can drag home the weird girls that go for that sort of thing and cull the herd in a good way.
Stubble? Had it most of my life. Chicks dug it (except for one favorite pastime of mine) and the presence of a clean face was a nod nod wink wink of my intentions for THOSE evenings.)
These days, I shave more regular because I am being consumed by gray chin. The suave and rugged look goes over well but the old bum look is definately out...
As for the ranting of the old codger who hates and hates, I can only say I am glad you kep your puny little mouthy ass out of my path. I tend to be like a gorilla holding a mirror when I get around that kind of ugliness.
Let's all go pull the pants down on some gang banger this afternoon.
Ready? On three...
It's easier to just go commando...then you don't have to worry about flashing your thong...you just get a sneak peek at ass crack and beaver...isn't that more fun anyway!
I want to chase the gang-bangers with their pants below the ass just so see how fast they can go! I am not a quick runner, but I guarantee I could beat them in a foot race!
What's wrong with the man highlights...I like guys who spend hours in the bathroom and are more concerned about how their hari looks when fucking their boyfriends ass!
Lexcen, I never thought of the lazy stubble. I need to do my research better.
Kirsten: It's travesty for the people hobbling around and for me having to look at them.
kat: thanks I've been in a mood
Crusader: good on you. My wife bought some of those pants for our son and when I told her the gang banger thing....they went right back for return.
anne: Glad you got a laugh. I'm not mean natured really but sometimes I've got to vent.
ISU: Never knew that about the prison thing makes total sense when I see the fuckwads that wear the shit I'm going to the thong clearnace sale and make the kids some sling shots.
Brandon: thanks, I was afraid everyone was going to get offended and run me out of town on a rail ;)
BBC: I like all kinds of women in all sizes if they carry it well, For some fat is genetic or medical so I don't usually rag folks about it. I've got a relative that is super big and makes good money posing for BBW (big beautiful women) naked stuff..not my speed but there are plenty of skinny little dudes who eat that shit up like pudding.
Dick: Yep in a pussy shortage they are the first to get bent over.
Ranting: whale tail, I forgot about all that. Yeah since britany spears went white trash they've gone from thongs to commando.
loveleand: lol pulling someones pants down, it's not like they could chase you. Stubble that remains that way confuses me. What kind of maintenence does it take to keep that shit looking scrffy?
Yep I like full figured women that are not in low riders.
ScottL You hit the nail on the head "wear them decently" I wouldn't be ranting if that little rule wasn't being ignored :)
You brought up another good point. Burley lumberjack stubble. I was thinking more of the 90 pound weakling "gosh I'm pretty" stubble.
Jenny: I knew it. The highlights are to look pretty for makeup and stubble guys with purses.
To each his own i guess. The baggy hanging down pants really disturb me though. Only because I find myself waiting for gravity to take over. & it looks it's hard for them to walk when their crotch is around their knees. It just makes me feel uncomfortable watching them.
thanks for catching my back Scott, I don't usually rip into others like that, but I have been seeing these comments like this all over the place, and today, I just have too much free time, I guess. I like your blog(s)
My sentiments but put into much better words. LMAO
The old bastard is annoying and judgmental. No wonder his family hates him.
I love your rant. Thank you.
Interesting observations Hammer. I'm pretty pissed off about the low rider jeans thing myself. Especially when we go shopping for our ten year old daughter, and most of the jeans are cut that way. Ten years old! WTF?
Okay, Hammer, you've got me going. There are a few I must add - see my blog later (I have to rouse up some pictures).
Lovelyland.... Fuck you. :-)
Of course I'm judgmental, and so are you, and everyone else. And you are a fucking coward that doesn't show your profile.
So again I say, fuck you. :-)
Hammer, I wasn't bitching about big active useful people, but the other ones that are worthless and I see plenty of them in all of my travels. And you help support them because few of them work.
BTW.... I don't care that my family doesn't like me, they are what is wrong with this world. And here is a news alert. I don't care if some of you don't like me. If you think you are so special tell me what it is about you that is special.
The one on that list that bugs me most is the guys with highlights and makeup. Ranging from emos to metrosexuals, I just don't like it. Men should have callused hands, deep voices, and hair growing from places women don't have hair... or sometimes even places. They should sweat, and it should smell manly when they do. It should not smell like the air conditioning went out at Bath and Body Works. They also shouldn't know who Miss Clairol is, nor what color "Cinnamon Sunrise Surprise" is.
Hi Hammer, i found my own funnies this time.
Come and check them out.
there are some real pottie mouths in this comments section!
I think the first girl in the thong is wearing normal size underwear, but they just look like a thong on account of her being so big!
haha?
OK ALL I did was sit around and eat today. I have to face the reality that I am going to grad school and going to pay DOUBLE the tuition as i did as an undergrad. Yep, it's $1,700 bucks PER CLASS.
How many kids are you planning on putting thru college?? Geeze.
Anyway,
I have to go to like, 2 gyms tomorrow to make up for all the eating I did today.
I am depressed by the fact that i am about to sell my financial soul to the federal student aid program.
DO NOT even get me started on that one...
Ah hahahahahahahahaha!! I got some really good laughs out of those!!
I hate the baggy jean thing - I got used to it working with at-risk youth (at-risk of their pants falling off!!). They have to walk with legs apart to hold them up and sometimes their pants are sooooo low their penises are kinda sticking out (covered by boxers of course)!!! hahaha! They can't participate in sport (without one hand holding up their jeans) and it must be sooooo uncomfortable!! It's been in 'fashion' over here since 1999 and unfortunately it STILL IS!! Bugs the hell out of me!
Thongs......tried one once - kept trying to pull it out - felt unnatural and uncomfortable - I like me pants to sit comfortabley under my butt cheeks thanks very much! And yeah - the whole "whale tail" thing - kinda like way too much information....
Guy bags.....big briefcase-type ones with long handles I can cope with, or Gay men carrying 'hand' bags I can cope with.
I've never seen lowrider jeans THAT low - but I have to say, I can't wear jeans around my waist anymore - I feel like I've somehow drifted back to the 80s and should get a mullet and shoulder pads!! But they ARE annoying at times - have to keep pulling them up before sitting for fear of builder's crack!
Don't mind stubble or highlights -but would laugh at a guy with makeup. I don't even like makeup on women to be honest. It's somehow false. (must confess to wearing a bit of blusher and lippy when going 'out' though)
Thanks for the laughs.!!
For me it is a toss up between the old hairy geezer that goes shirtless in public or the woman that does the low rider bare midriff thing despite the fact she is over 200Lbs. Of course huge the tattoo on her ham size arm was a good move, it draws your attention away from the huge flap of cellulitic flesh hanging out of her waistband.
l>t: I guess it makes it easy to catch them when they eventually run afoul of the law.
jeannie: Glad I'm not alone :)
kim: thanks I've been saving up :)
Jarhead: My girls are still wearing toddler sized clothes because of the neglect they received at their foster home and I'm still having problems finding clothes modest enough. Thankfully they don't want exposed middrifts either.
Phoenix: There is a happy medium between my Friend Gary and Ben affleck who I'm sure smells as fruity as he acts. :) Cinnimon sunrise surprise! lol damn why didn't I think of that?
nomas: I liked yours too. There are probably multiple blogs worth of rant ammo regarding this subject.
infinitesimal: I liked your funnies too. My kids are all promised free college because they are considered at risk. aka (brown and with a history of abuse and neglect)
KB: Sounds like you know exactly where I'm coming from. I like my pants under my butt too ;) Yeah male makeup is one of the ones I can't keep from laughing at once I see it.
phosgene: I forgot about the shirtless geezer. Man they think their sexy. Bare middrifts.... Very few in my town can pull off a stunt like that without making me want to hork up lunch.
Hammer, that was a steller post! I didn't think your "rant" was mean-spirited in the least, just a passionate opinion. :)
Bob. I'm sorry to see that you are filled with hate and malice. You call yourself a god, and think others are gods too? I wasn't aware that a god was filled with hate. Or is it just that you enjoy putting yourself up there on an alter of your own making and not be accountable to anyone or anything other than yourself? The God I know doesn't say "fuck you". What a horrible little man you are.
Sorry Hams....I couldn't help myself.
Hammer,
C'mon man...don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel on these issues! LOL
Flyinfox_SATX
Six good reasons to bring back the draft with bigger, monster population controls, like World War 1 and put "gun fodder" back in the English language.
barista: lol I'm going to start a post catagory called passionate opinion.
jake: You know that was my greatest wish in High school that the draft board would gather up shave,shower and scrub these fruits and send em to the front.
I had a feeling canada would get really full though.
flyinfox: lol you didn't see what I left on the cutting room floor ;)
Hams, I think you SHOULD have a sub-category called Passionate Opinion. It would be like your very own "editorial page", moreso than your usual entertaining posts.
If you do, do you mind if I copy-cat?
barista, excellent idea. I like your rants so copy away.
I can't think of anything to add with which to stir the pot!
I won't voice my opinion on some of the comments here. I emailed my rant to Hammer and I'll let it stand at that.
Have to agree about the baggy pants thing. It drives me insane. One of the funniest things I've seen was a skateboarder with his pants down to his knees trying to make a jump. He fell flat on his face because his pants were in the way. :)
Hey what does it matter BBC? Theres loads of different creeds out there abusing the tax payers system one way or another.. If youre going to hone in on them have a little class about it, structure your distain without tarring everyone with the same brush, that way we can all feel the love. :o)
And by the way Im a curvy gal and would hate an extra set of elbows sticking out of my hips. As an artist I love the flow of a womans body, its such a beautiful thing to behold..
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