Good graces

The first time I met my soon to be wife's parents they were unfriendly and stand offish. My girlfriend was 28 years old and had lived on her own since she was 18. My wife didn't get along with her mother who often told her she wasn't pretty enough to find a good man. Her father was gruff and racist . I'll call him "Chuck."
When I walked in the door and introduced myself, Chuck didn't speak and refused to shake my hand. My wife suggested I go into her brothers room and check out his new stereo.
Through the thin walls I heard the fight start. Her father yelled: "How dare you bring that dirty messkin over to my house, I think this is a bad idea." I was concerned but slightly amused. I wasn't too far into this relationship and I wanted to see what was going to happen. He found out what my last name was and that's why he was going on about me being a messkin.
I'm wasn't offended by the remarks. I kind of felt sorry for the old ignorant bastard. I thought to myself, "Hell, I am more Irish than that red headed sombitch."
I heard my wife tell her parents that if they didn't cut their shit and accept me, she would disown them and they would never see her again. After being married to her for 15 years now I know she doesn't make statements like that off the cuff. She meant it and they knew it.
I walked out of the bedroom and her father was looking at the floor shaking his head. He said, " if you're sure he's ok ..."
We took our leave. I was proud of her for standing up for me. She is fiercely independent and protective. I guess she saw something in me that was worth fighting for. We started dating in March and were Married that August. We did Christmas at her grandmother's that year. Since my wife was her grandmothers favorite, she took to me right away. She was amazed that I helped with the cooking and cleaning up when the rest of the men folk fell asleep in front of the football game. I'm the kind of person who can't sit around when there are things to be done.I was doing my damnedest to get into everyone's good graces because I can't stand people hating me without due cause.
It seemed like my wife's family started to like me despite my unfortunate messkin last name. Everyone that is, except my father in law. He never spoke to me. If I tried to ask him a question, he would look away or cut me off. After a while, I gave up. The silent treatment went on for years and years. My wife's sister was married to a blond haired blued eyed guy, who was an abusive, cowardly asshole. He and my father in law seemed to get along fine. I just figured one asshole deserves another.
My inlaws had constant money problems. They couldn't ever pay their bills, budget or save money. Their car had been wrecked and they had no transportation . I had recently paid off my new truck and bought another vehicle to use in my computer repair business.
I drove over, called my father in law outside and signed the truck title over to him and handed him the keys. he didn't say anything except "ok"
That was fine by me. I was mostly doing it for my wife who was worried sick about her parents losing their jobs, house etc...
My mother in law called me later that week and said they appreciated the gift very much. I was surprised. They were usually the kind of people who thanked god when someone did something nice for them.
Several months went by and we were over for Thanksgiving dinner. After the meal, I was doing dishes, when Chuck said: "Hammer come here I've got something to show you" He walked into the garage. I figured this was it. He was going to shoot me or hit me over the head or something. I reluctantly followed him into the garage where he showed me a shadow box he had made in his workshop that was filled with novelty guns, bullets, cartridges and memorabilia from his youth.
I was taken aback that's for sure. I could see his eyes were a little wet when he handed me the box. I thanked him and shook his hand for the first time after being in the family for seven years.
Chuck and I are good friends now. When he comes over to the house, he grabs a beer and tells me stories about his life. He is a good man. I'm glad to know him.
When I walked in the door and introduced myself, Chuck didn't speak and refused to shake my hand. My wife suggested I go into her brothers room and check out his new stereo.
Through the thin walls I heard the fight start. Her father yelled: "How dare you bring that dirty messkin over to my house, I think this is a bad idea." I was concerned but slightly amused. I wasn't too far into this relationship and I wanted to see what was going to happen. He found out what my last name was and that's why he was going on about me being a messkin.
I'm wasn't offended by the remarks. I kind of felt sorry for the old ignorant bastard. I thought to myself, "Hell, I am more Irish than that red headed sombitch."
I heard my wife tell her parents that if they didn't cut their shit and accept me, she would disown them and they would never see her again. After being married to her for 15 years now I know she doesn't make statements like that off the cuff. She meant it and they knew it.
I walked out of the bedroom and her father was looking at the floor shaking his head. He said, " if you're sure he's ok ..."
We took our leave. I was proud of her for standing up for me. She is fiercely independent and protective. I guess she saw something in me that was worth fighting for. We started dating in March and were Married that August. We did Christmas at her grandmother's that year. Since my wife was her grandmothers favorite, she took to me right away. She was amazed that I helped with the cooking and cleaning up when the rest of the men folk fell asleep in front of the football game. I'm the kind of person who can't sit around when there are things to be done.I was doing my damnedest to get into everyone's good graces because I can't stand people hating me without due cause.
It seemed like my wife's family started to like me despite my unfortunate messkin last name. Everyone that is, except my father in law. He never spoke to me. If I tried to ask him a question, he would look away or cut me off. After a while, I gave up. The silent treatment went on for years and years. My wife's sister was married to a blond haired blued eyed guy, who was an abusive, cowardly asshole. He and my father in law seemed to get along fine. I just figured one asshole deserves another.
My inlaws had constant money problems. They couldn't ever pay their bills, budget or save money. Their car had been wrecked and they had no transportation . I had recently paid off my new truck and bought another vehicle to use in my computer repair business.
I drove over, called my father in law outside and signed the truck title over to him and handed him the keys. he didn't say anything except "ok"
That was fine by me. I was mostly doing it for my wife who was worried sick about her parents losing their jobs, house etc...
My mother in law called me later that week and said they appreciated the gift very much. I was surprised. They were usually the kind of people who thanked god when someone did something nice for them.
Several months went by and we were over for Thanksgiving dinner. After the meal, I was doing dishes, when Chuck said: "Hammer come here I've got something to show you" He walked into the garage. I figured this was it. He was going to shoot me or hit me over the head or something. I reluctantly followed him into the garage where he showed me a shadow box he had made in his workshop that was filled with novelty guns, bullets, cartridges and memorabilia from his youth.
I was taken aback that's for sure. I could see his eyes were a little wet when he handed me the box. I thanked him and shook his hand for the first time after being in the family for seven years.
Chuck and I are good friends now. When he comes over to the house, he grabs a beer and tells me stories about his life. He is a good man. I'm glad to know him.
34 Comments:
You're a cool guy, Hammer. That was an incredibly nice thing of you to do with the truck.
I'm glad Chuck was able to respond to that, and finally to who you are --
Sincerely,
Anne
p.s. THANK YOU for the website referral ! Andrew wrote me back, and gave me the best advice !!!
WOW! That was not the ending I was expecting. You are a great person, and apparently inspire others to be better themselves.
Good story Hammer, I was prepared to read that Chuck still treats you like shit, it's nice to see that Chuck finally warmed up to you.
I anticipated this ending to the story only because I've dealt with this mentality throughout my life and knew sooner or later the ol' geezer would come around. :)
Having read some of your archives, and previous posts about "Chuck", I am glad he has loosened up to you Hammer.
it's sad how people let their prejudices get in the way of friendship. I'm glad he overcame that.
Hammer, you're a better man than I. Well, okay, I'm not a man... I have racist family members, and I personally wish they'd all find themselves in situations where their survival depended on a very large black man named Tobias. We'd see how "worthless" they think anyone who isn't lily-white is then.
Hey! Is that Anne Elizabeth commenting? Is she gonna write more naughty stuff? I'll link to her if she does. She's a good writer... even if it was creepy stuff.
Well, I'm glad that you are good friends now, it doesn't always work out that way.
BTW, when they thanked you, they did thank God.
Ah fuck it, no one understands me and the levels I think at.
Hammer, great post. You are obviously a great, caring man to not give up on your inlaws after so many years of their ignorant behaviour. Thank God they came around at last. Thanks for the uplifting comments on my recent posts. Things will be better soon, I am sure. My personal mantra..."This too shall pass" haha. A Very Happy New Year to you and your wonderful family!
Odd that they didn't seem to trust their daughter's judgement. She had been on her own, and obviously succeeding at it, for a few years. That should have been an indication that she was a rational adult with a good head on her shoulders. Oh well, I guess they assumed that you used some "messkin magic" or some such bullshit to win her over. At least they came around in the end; I'm sure that it meant just as much, if not more to her than to you.
Happy new year!
My father in law still doesn't speak to me after 25 years with his son... its no loss, he's an idiot. You're wife is a very bright woman.
I was in trouble for bringing an Italian Catholic home. Everyone got over it though. Glad you and your FIL got things straight in the end. Family is important.
You know, the more I read your tales, the more I think you may have been gifted with far too much tolerance.
Yes, I find it wonderful that your-in-law has grown himself up a bit. But the odd part is, I don't know if I forgive him for those seven years. I mean, come on! Seven years of crap is mathematically a good chunk of the whole marble.
That BBC is referring to himself as God all over the blogosphere!!
I personally am surprised that "Chuck" calls you Hammer! He reads your blog? HAHAHAHA
Yeah, your wife's granny knew you were a good guy.
You are the kind of guy worth marrying. The kind of guy who cleans up after supper and who passes out hubcaps to terrified strangers.
One of these ays, i will find my own Hammer, or Wrench or Drillbit.
It goes to show even assholes can change. I'm sure your kindness had a lot to do with it.
Anne: I think nomas referred that one to you. and thanks for the kind words.
aisby: heck I'll drag them kicking and screaming.
brandon: some endings are happier than others. This is one in the win column.
Sweetilicious: Deep down he was a kind sentimental person plagued by personal demons and depression. I just had to get through to him.
quinten: he was a mean bastard to quite a few people. I think he was protecting himself from having close relationships with anybody.
phoenix: Funny thing is after he went on anti depressants he hasn't uttered a racist comment in years and frowns whenever anyone else does. If I had showed up in vato gang colors with bandanas and such I would have understood him going racial on me. But I was clean cut well dressed and polite.
BBC: I realize that now that I'm older. Back then their behavior stuck in my craw.
Crusader: Thank you. My trick is to not over-react to anything and burn bridges. Things have a way of working themselves out with patience and kindness. If not fuck em... you at least tried and can sleep at night.
Jarhead: My wife is their only sucess story and that's becuase she was taken away and raised by her grandmother. She is the only strong one who stands up against bullshit instead of ignoring it.
They still don't have a clue what she's about and just think she's hard nosed and unyielding.
kat: we can't win em all thats for sure and some people aren't worth knowing. and you're absoultely right his loss.
Phosgene: I used to disdain family because I came from such a messed up one. I figured I didn't need anyone outside of my nuclear family. Once I got my kids though I softened up and realized cousins,uncles and grandparents have importance too.
Scott: I forgave him the first minute I met him. It still was confusing and hurtful but at least he didn't go after me and make my life miserable during that time.
loveleyand: lol nobody knows about my blog. Wife's granny was matriarch and she kept everyone in line to a certain extent. she recently passed on and now there is no one strong enough to take the job. The family is going to shit in certain respects with out her as the glue.
You're very kind. Stay away from those drill bits, I hear they can be kinda twisted.
l>t: It gives me hope for some of the others. Not sure if I afford to give them all trucks though ;)
Hammer, this was a great story. I got all teary-eyed reading the ending. I'm glad things worked out between you guys. :)
Thanks dragon. It is indeed nice to have one less enemy.
BTW, when they thanked you, they did thank God.
Actually, me being of a panentheist bent, that made perfect sense in my brain.
Lovelyland.... I refer to everyone as God. Doing your share?
Hammer.... I can't help but wonder how it would have went if you did not make good money.
Shows that assholeness is a relative term. It's great that he could drop his bias but it took a very good man to show him the truth. Personally, I don't understand racism at all. I know there are definitely rascist Canadians (my husband is one in general but not personally if that makes any sense but then he's Irish), but here we are strongly encouraged to accept other cultures and I think it works for the most part. I just don't like it when some new immigrants start to think that their culture takes precedence over everyone else's. Or when some bring that stereotypical behaviour with them and then that community gets smeared but it happens.
I've been reading your blog for a while now because, frankly, you crack me up. Great post. Even put a tear in my eye.
Thank you for the story, Hammer. Everything is said, so I can not say anything that is not already said.
Great story Hammer, and just another example of how incredible you and your family are. :)
You done good Coach.
Jeannie: If I had really been a wetback coming into his home I could have understood his bias. He was just being an asshole I'm probably whiter than he is. I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and shouldn't be forced to accept other cultures.
Alice: Thanks! I'm glad you commented.
Kirsten: Thank you. your comments are always welcome and appreciated
Barista: sheesh now I'm blushing ;)
Hammer that was indeed a great story, and very inspirational. Giving your truck to your father-in-law just shows what an amazing person you are. Your wife's family is lucky to have you in their lives. BTW Your wife also sounds like a wonderful person.
Oh, you put little tiny whelps of tears in my eyes. I really love to come over here and read your stories.
Hammer,
I love your stories; the good ones, the sad ones, but most especially the ones that have great endings.
Thank you so much for sharing your life here in blogworld with all of us. It's appreicated more than you know.
You are a rare gem. :)
Hammer, you are the man!
mrsjosegoldbloom thanks, I aim to please. The family for the most part are just losers and takers. Her dad and her next oldest brother are the only ones I can tolerate right now.
carrie: I'm glad you liked it. I get choked up sometimes too when things hit me a certain way.
kateycakes: I appreciate it. I like the happy ones myself but I can't always have it my way. :)
Otis: Thanks bud :)
Every time I come to read more Hammer blogs, more people have started to read your blogs!!
That's very cool and does indeed mean you have great stories to tell and a great way of telling them =)
Messkin? Wetback? Unfamiliar words to me. Is Messkin slang for Mexican? Excuse my ignorance!
I am pleased you get on with your fil. Funny how people have set views/opinions and never seem to question them. I guess they are often passed down from one's parents.
Oh and I'm glad your girls are still enjoying the CD (sorry! haha)
KB: You are correct. Around these parts the illegal and sometimes legal mexican immigrants are called
"messkins" "wetbacks" (from swimming the rio grand river to get here) "wets" " mojados" spanish for wets. Beaners, greasers,etc...
Personally, I was fond of being called beaner. I like beans. I translated it to frijolero (beaner in spanish)
You are a truly cool dude.
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