Getting adjusted to the new home

When the girls first moved into our house, there was a about a week long honeymoon period.They were perfect angels. They had lots of toys, attention, and we were both staying home with them full time so they could adjust.

The first clue that there were some major issues to be worked out came to light when I took them for their booster shots. They needed a series so they could attend school and speech therapy.

The oldest went in first for her 4 shots. I waited outside the room with her younger sister. The screaming and crying was terrible and her little sister was crying and worried about what was happening.

When it came time for the youngest to get her shots the same screaming and crying ensued but instead of feeling sad, the older one laughed at her sisters distress.

Turns out, there were deep issues between the girls due to the fact that the older one had taken the brunt of the abuse and was mad at her sister for having it easy. The fact that the oldest couldn't speak where anyone could understand her also increased the anger and frustration.

At home, the oldest would throw screaming fits, tear up her new things, rip down wallpaper and scribble on anything belonging to her sister. Luckily, the state provided a free child psychologist to come out to the house and help. I was apprehensive at first but this lady had a good head on her shoulders and worked well with the kids.

With the oldest we dealt with fits, screaming, cursing, biting, kicking, lying and general overall shitty behavior. The younger sister wasn't perfect and could be difficult, but she didn't have as many issues. The only problem was as soon as the older sister displayed a poor behavior the younger one would copy it.

I had zero tolerance for the poor behavior. Right away, we asserted ourselves as parents and never backed down. We provided love, structure, consequences and rewards.

Nothing seemed to work. The oldest girl was really angry at life and this was the first time she ever got to express it. She constantly told us that she wanted to go back to the foster home or to her biological mom. Of course, this was intended to hurt us. However, once we calmed her down and reasoned it out she decided that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.

It was then I realized that these children had never been parented. We had 5 years of catching up to do, even potty training, table manners and eating boogers were issues
we had to address.

We wrote the rules on the refrigerator. It was a lengthy list of do's and don'ts that each child was expected to obey.

I was still worried and frustrated many months into the adoption. My wife and I had been pulling our hair out and working night and day to get the behavior under control.

Finally after the 3567th time out, I asked my oldest daughter "what happens when you put your hand on a hot stove?" She said "id boorns". "that's right" I said. "Do you ever burn your hand on a stove?" She said "no" I followed with, "pretend bad behavior is a hot stove. Why do you continue to burn yourself on it?" A light went off and she seemed to understand. Slowly things started getting better.

Recently, I glanced at the long list of prohibited behaviors we had outlined. Out of the 12 items 11 had stopped and I hadn't even realized it.

I took the list to the girls and read it to them. They both said "no dad we don't do any of that bad stuff anymore"

They are in kindergarten and 1st grade now, creative, self sufficient, caring and respectful. We still have issues from time to time but my first realization came when I went to my wife's family reunion where there were 5 cousins about the same age as our girls.

All of these cousins were affluent, not abused and raised by two parents. My girls made these kids look like crap on a crap cracker. They displayed good behavior, poise and respect towards others.

I have never been prouder.