Adoption class and the dirty poster

When My wife and I first decided to adopt our first child we looked all over the place and checked into adoption agencies, christian girls homes for preggos and orphanages. We really weren't interested in going out of the country to adopt primarily because there are millions of kids here in the USA that need homes and foreign governments are notorious for corruption and red tape.

The Christian place that links up pregnant teenagers with couples ready to adopt straight out of the delivery room charged $40,000 and you had to provide your own lawyer and pay the girls medical bills.

WTF. They were fucking baby brokers. These assholes knew little white babies were at a premium and they banked on it. The pregnant girl got nary a dime, so what were we paying for?

Traditional adoption agencies wanted $25,000 and there was a 3 year waiting list if you wanted a child 2 and under. Excuse me? Bullshit... I still don't buy it. We could have probably scraped up the money but why in the hell would I want to pay these fucking human traffickers one red cent?

I went online an checked the state department of human services. they had 20,000 kids in the system in Texas alone, problem was most were sibling groups of up to ten that they were reluctant to split up.

Adoption was free and they even reimbursed your legal fees. the only requirement was a 15 hour adoption course that dealt with abused and neglected children.

There was no commitment so we signed up for the class, background checks and home inspection. Once we passed everything we were on a list and the social workers would try to match us up to kids that fit the criteria we put down regarding what kind of child we could handle.

The class was held in the same building where abusive and neglectful parents took classes to try to get their kids back. We found most of these people showed up for one class then said screw it and let the state have their kids.

Our particular adoption class was filled with retired couples wanting to do a foster home, grandparents trying to adopt their grand kids since druggie daughter was running from the law.

Some were wealthy couples with 3 or 4 kids of their own that wanted to do something for the community.

The rest were couples that couldn't have kids.

My wife and I could have kids, but on both sides of our family the chronic illness history was so shitty that I didn't want to bring a child into that kind of suffering.

The introductory class was a freak show. One foster mom came up and told us that all of these children were sexually abused, violent pyromaniacs that want to have sex with adults and murder you in your sleep with a butcher knife. She told story after story about her house being ransacked and robbed by foster kids , being stabbed, scalded and having to deal with small children putting toothbrushes in their anuses in Kmart.

This freaked me out a little. Surely it couldn't be this bad. Part of me considered backing out at that point but the wife and I went back just to make sure.

The second class was much different. About sixty percent of the class was scared off by the introduction. The social worker instructor said they had to do that to weed out the people who were wishy washy and just wasting their time and resources.

We studied chapter after chapter of sex abuse, we did embarrassing role playing games where we had to pretend we were molested, or how to recognize abuse. We also had to learn how to deal with children who acted out due to parental neglect.

This stuff was not for the faint of heart.

The last class was fun activity day. We got into teams, males on one side and females on the other. Our goal was to fill a poster board with as many sexual words and innuendos as we possibly could in 15 min. The winner got some kind of gift bag. The purpose of this exercise was to expand our knowledge of sex terms so we would understand if our child tried to tell of abuse using slang we didn't recognize.

As I stated in an earlier post I am the master of the obscene word. I single handedly filled the poster with filth like "beat the bishop" "yodel in the gully" "Hide the salami" "play the pink piccolo", "dirty Sanchez", "donkey punch", and "tea bagging". I think I scared some of the people on my team with my repertoire.

The instructor told us that it could be up to a year before they found a child suitable for placement.

Two weeks later we were introduced to a two year old boy in foster care. Within a month he was living in our home and within six months the adoption was finalized in court.

The social worker said she liked my style and pushed us to the front of the list.

I think it was the dirty talk that won her over.