Sunday funnies
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.....................................49
Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone
Athletic..................................No boobs
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.................On medication
Feminist..................................Fat
Free spirit..............................Junkie
Friendship first......................Former slut
Fun.........................................Annoying
New-Age.................................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned........................No BJs
Open-minded..........................Desperate
Outgoing.................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate..............................Sloppy drunk
Professional...........................Bitch
Voluptuous.............................Very Fat
Wants Soul mate.....................Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want.
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you!
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
Labels: Humor
posted by Bill Rowland @ October 22, 2006
14 Comments
14 Comments:
Well, let's see now... I'm a beautiful, average looking, athletic woman with no age. I'm not adventurous and we don't have to be friends for ever before you moove in. I'm open minded and i hope you don't mind my New-Age tendency. I'm well educated in most in most fields.
Uhhh...Do I extradite myself now or...???
Good one, Hammer. I had to give you a little linky love on this one.
The old hunter vs gatherer thing.
I think the Elk have a good cut on love, once you get past the head butting thing. Tap the females, then it's adios, see you next Spring honey and off to hang with the boys. Less frustration and there is no doubt what is going to happen on the first date.
Ahahahahahahaha
except:
Friends first could also mean: Biblethumper
#11 on the men was hysterical too
The response I get to foreplay is
"what the fuck is happening?"
i'm with myron. you are linked.
hammer - it makes me wanna be single again. almost.
when i was single, i connected with this woman by her ad. we got along great over the phone. she jogged 10 miles ervery morning. I used to bike 50 miles a day, 20 for warm ups. I was into biking. loved it. she lived by the beach. when i got to her place for the date she had one of those glass doors. and inside you could see a stairway leading down to the front door. i ring. she comes down the stairs. so i see her legs first. i'm thinking, wow, big ankles. of course by the time she's full frame she must be about 145 lbs over weight. she's out of breath by the time she gets down the stairs to open the door. what did i do? mister nice guy had lunch with her and left, never to go on a personal ad/date again.
Good Sunday afternoon, Hammer !
Hee-hee-hee, that was totally great. Cynical but true.
If he rets of your site is as good as that post was, I'm gonna add you to my favorites and link it !
Can't wait to read more !
Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth
Thanks Anne Elizabeth I am always happy to hear that someone is laughing at the stuff on this blog.
New-Age...Body hair in the wrong places.
YUCK! That one bothers me the most LOL.
How insightful. So, basically all men are pigs? Hmmmm, yep, I guess that's about right.
hmm let's see....
20-ish Desperate Patalogical Liar who does lots of pills and Annoys the hell out of your nights is looking for gentleman to take me out to dinner.
Translate that back! lol
helene
just the accents above your name annoy me already, but the rest sounds exciting.
Portnoy,
I'm sorry to hear about your blind date. Most people would have ran away at first sight. I'm glad you at stayed for lunch. You're a rare gentleman.
lol :) thx for the laugh, hammer :)
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