Monday morning
It's been a weird weekend. My Grandmother suddenly took ill and passed away on Saturday. Luckily my dad thought to drive up when they said her condition was serious. She had some form of meningitis and her kidneys shut down. The doctors said it was hopeless so they sent her home to die on her birthday. My dad called and said that she actually had a nice party and she seemed happy right before she passed away.
I'm glad I got to at least talk to her on the phone last week.
Dad asked me if there was anything I wanted of hers since he was executor of the will. I told him just to bring me a photo album or something. I'm not really into inheriting stuff. It feels like looting..at least to me anyways. I've seen too many families tear themselves apart over stupid stuff like lamps and silverware.
My Grandmother lived very simply and frugally in the same house since 1966. My Grandfather passed away in 1990 and since then she has worked preparing meals at a day care center for at risk kids. Her only complaint was that she wanted to see all her great grandkids more often.
She had the last laugh though. Grandma had told everyone that she had dropped out of school in the 7th grade and always remarked that she was not very smart. She had also led everyone to believe that she was flat broke.
My dad was going through a steamer trunk and found her diploma...she had graduated high school at age 16 with honors. Also to every one's surprise she had been hiding money all over her house and had left instructions for each relative to get a certain substantial amount.
To me this is really funny because her grandkids who lived up there were a mess and constantly getting into all kinds of legal and financial trouble. If they had known she had money they would have bled her dry and not learned any lessons.
I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I wanted due to problems between my dad and his siblings but luckily I was able to get reacquainted with her in recent years and let her meet her great grand kids.
I don't know how how to grieve in the traditional way so this post is my way of getting my thoughts out.
posted by Bill Rowland @ February 25, 2008
78 Comments
78 Comments:
You have to love that she played "dumb" for her own protection... I think I would have loved listening to her stories..
Sorry you lost a truly brillent woman in the fam sweety... enjoy sharing any memories of her with your wee ones.... Hopefully a photo album with fall into your lap..and your heart/ hugs~~~
Condolences, Hammer. Sounded like your Grandma was quality peeps with good American values. May her memory be a blessing.
I don't think there is a traditional way to grieve. . .you just do whatever works for you. Sorry for your loss!
So sorry for your loss, Hammer.
Your thoughts are a wonderful memorial to her.
What an amazing and intelligent woman, last laugh indeed.
Best wishes
I don't know that there is any "traditional" way to grieve - we all do it in a way that best fits us as individuals.
What a wonderful life to celebrate!
There is no right or wrong way to grieve - as has already been pointed out here by two others. Each of us goes about it in our own way. Some recover rapidly while others may mourn a loved one for the rest of their lives. Do what feels comfortable to you. Remember your grandmother in the ways you believe she would want done and share your memories of her, of the rest of your family as well, with your children too.
I loved your story about her though -the little white lies about her education, intelligence and the money stashed around the house earmarked for each relative. Shows a whole lot of creativity there, don't 'cha think?
Peace.
Oh hammer there is no right or wrong way of grieving. We all do it in our own way.
I'm glad you got to know her a bit better, and talk to her.
And I am so sorry for your and your dad's loss.
She sounds like a fiesty old broad. I'm sure she was a hoot.
Just grieve however you need to. Nobody should tell anyone how to grieve. It's all different.
I am sorry to hear about your Grandmother passing away
We all deal with it Differently Hammer and I feel you will work through it.
hammer, i tried to email you, and it was returned undeliverable. how's about emailing me?
shooshoofly@yahoo.com
Sorry for the loss; there aren't really words to convey the loss of a loved one and the empty place they leave behind.
a lovely tribute, hammer - i'll bet your grandmother was pretty puffed up over you being such a decent and fine individual.
i'm with you on the divvying up of a dead person's belongings.
when my own father was dying, he'd constantly bring stuff to my house and say, "i want so and so to have this and that." i said, "dad, i don't want to get in the middle of it - you do it!"
although he and my mother had been divorced since i was the age of 5.5 years, she still had it out for him and was so hateful when we followed his instructions to sell his vehicle and give the money to an atheletic organization on pine ridge reservation - she THOUGHT my brother (her favorite) should have it.
he left all the grandchildren quite a coin collection and our son just rediscovered it after 13 years.
Condolences to you and your family Hammer. I hope that you are able to grieve in what ever way you need to.
I suppose you could wear sackcloth and dump ashes on your head. Seems like a bit of a mess, though.
Naw, this works just fine...
Hi. I'm sorry for your loss, but the memory of her stashing some cash and other things will be a nice way to remember a neat lady. Glad you got to spend some time with her and she met your children.
I know only toooo well the problems that come up after a death. One house, a truck, and a few possessions pretty much ended our relationship with my sis and her hub. Eight years later, she and I are somewhat friendly, the occasional visit or email but it will never again be how it was and that's so odd as we were VERY close at one time.
Take care. :)
I reckon we all have to deal with grief in our own way and your way is as good as any. I am sorry for your loss and it is good that you did get to know her.
Sly like a fox, I love it. I only wish that we could find some of this stuff out before people pass away. All the great things to know about someone comes in waves only after their gone, It's just so sad.
Sorry that you lost this unique woman in your life. She sounded like she would have been really fun to be around.
P. S. I'm not a looter either, All I asked for of my parents were photo albums also, Oh,and my moms Norwegian cookbook which I didn't get and nobody seems to know who did get it.
My condolendces, an album is a fine reminder - which is what any property that once belonged to them should be. I was very lucky to receive an old-old rifle, even though it was NOT Grandpa's favorite...
Wow, your Grandma sounds like a great lady. I'm sorry for your loss but sounds she had a good life...
HUGS!! hammer..
She sounds like she was a very strong women who loved her family. She will always be remembered with your thoughts. Take care.
So sorry to read about your grandma passing, Hammer. I did have to chuckle about her getting her diploma and hiding money all over the house. She certainly was no slouch!
Thanks for sharing your memories of her with us.
Sorry 'bout that Hammer. But I'm glad that things worked out with the kids the way they did.
Took the survey you posted. It was pretty good as far as those things go. Cheers!!
Before my grandmother passed away a few years ago she had already parceled out most of her possessions. My mother asked me if I wanted anything of hers, and I requested her eyeglasses. I put them in the box with my great-grandmother's (her mother's) glasses.
The real bummer is that she might still be around today if she hadn't contracted hepatitis from a blood transfusion she had when she had a heart attack in 1989. Back then they didn't test donated blood for hepatitis like they do now.
Ah well, she still lived a long life, and died old and full of years.
Sorry about your Granny Hammer.
I'm the executor of my mom's estate and I dread the crap I'll go through with my brother.
these family things are always hard to take. sorry for your loss.
Hammer, I`m so very sorry that such a grand lady met with such a death...but it`s good your Father made it there in time to share some joy before the pain of the loss.
My friend, we all grieve in our own way and if you`d care to share more of this remarkable lady`s life then we`d love to read. Her passing will leave a big hole in your heart, yes, but sharing her with your children and us will help to keep her memory alive.
Prayers for you at this time and may this sharing help you with the pain of the loss of your dear Grandmother.
Hammer,
For what its worth, you have my sincerest condolences. Losing a loved one is always difficult.
Here is hoping that you are OK and dealing well with the loss.
Flyinfox_SATX
she sounds like a wonderful matriarch. thoughts and prayers with you as you absorb the loss.
My condolences Hammer.
I'm sorry for your loss but it seems she got to go pleasantly. I'm glad she could keep her secrets - good for her.
As for staying out of the inheriting - my husband's twin sister is still bent out of shape over a small bag of candies, 5 plastic wallets and a pkg of batteries that disappeared out of their mother's room - she DID get $34000 compared to our $6000 and whatever the frig else she wanted. My husband took a few photos. I told my mother it would be best if she outlived us all.
Condolences to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss, Hammer.
She sounded like a very smart and unpretentious lady.
My condolences to you and your family. She sounds a lot like my Granny.
Sugar, I am so sorry for your loss! I know the drama of a family in "crisis" and grabbin' for all the "loot"
I have already tols the gready realitives that they need to keep their mits off my pictures and the Christmas China. The rest of it is all theirs. Nothing will give me back my lost memeber of the family...
~shakes head~
Hope all works out...if not get your self a "bigger hammer!!!!" hehehehehe
I think this is a beautiful way to grieve - by sharing her with us. Based on what you said, I know your Grandma was one amazing woman with wisdom, kindness and a sense of humor. I love that she hid her money and that she served meals to at risk kids. I wish there were more people like her around.
My sympathies to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss. My grandma does that money hiding thing also. I once asked her to borrow $50.00 becuase my MAC card was not working. Grams totally went into a shoebox in the hallway closet and pulled out a wad of money. Old people are crazy.
What a wonderful way to honor your grandmother. She would be proud.
I am sooo sorry for your loss.
My condolences to your family.
Nice to let the post go the way of the smile. That's pretty funny.
tweaker
You've written a great epitaph for your grandmother.
Grief is a very personal thing. People will be all to happy to tell you when and how you should act, but this only serves to rob you of your own journey.
When my dad passed away in July, some people were taken back by the fact that I didn't break down and cry for a week straight. I just didn't think it was appropriate for me at the time.
You'll go through the process however you feel is right.
Sorry to hear about her passing.
Your grandmother sounds like a remarkable woman. I'm glad you were able to re-establish the relationship. Those thoughts and memories will comfort you.
I agree...memories and photos are the best inheritances! She sounds like a lovely and quite smart woman.
Wow, she sounds like a remarkable woman. Never heard of anyone who covered up the fact that they graduated high school at 16!
Sounds like a very wise woman. Sorry for your loss, Hammer!
My condolences. It is sad to lose a grandmother.
Beth
So sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person!
When my grandma died, she had been hiding money in old magazines. There were piles and piles of them and everybody had to go through ever page of the magazines.
She also had a first generation Colt SAA, which my cousin took and pawned, even though my grandma's will said my brother should have it. You're right about the problems that can arise.
This is a wonderful expression of grief. I hate that grief is thought of as requiring sobbing and wailing and irrationality. She was a person in your life. You'll miss that.
That's grief.
I love the part about the money hidden everywhere.
Like all things hammer the only thing that helps you deal with anything on this scale is your wife and kids - sorry to hear about your grandma
I'm sorry she passed away, but I'm happy to hear what a great spirit she had, and that you were able to talk to her.
I love how she didn't let on what she knew; we could all learn from that, not just the kids.
I'm so sorry to hear this. My sympathies to you and your family.
What a great woman! sorry for your loss.
Quite a few comments here and I dont know if you will have time to read them all but I am sorry to hear this. She sounds like a wonderful woman and I know when my grandma passed away in 2003 she had got to see Kora at least. Its ok to cry hammer. Trust me. Let is out as it comes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an incredible lady. This post was a wonderful tribute to her.
I don't blame you for not wanting to be a part of the looting, er, distribution of her estate. My maternal grandfather came so close to willing what little he had to the church he helped establish. Too bad he didn't - the infighting that resulted over the poor ole d.p.'s few nick knacks and old house in the developing ghetto ended in the loss of it all anyway.
You already have all the treasures you'll ever need from her, the ones that no one can take away.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm curious if she was religious and if she had any influence on you in this category.
But she did sound like a bit of a character. I know many people who cry broke but are far from it.
But to lie about their education in a negative way is something I'm not familiar with.
Oh, and take what you can get. If you don't get it, a war snubbing democrat or even worse, a Ron Paul supporter may wind up with it.
Sorry to hear this, but she did something I want to do: die on my birthday. Sounds like she had a pretty good life, and managed to outfox everyone and have the last laugh, she sounds like the kind of woman I'd love to get to know.
Hammer,
Sorry to hear about your grandmother. That's pretty funny about her playing dumb and poor. I can relate to that.
Sounds like your Dad will have his hands full being the executor.
Condolences my friend!
J
So sorry to hear of your grandmothers passing. My condolences to you and your family for your loss.
As usual I'm at least 2-3 days behind in blog reading. But, I still want to offer my condolence.
A photo album would be the most treasured item, I'm sure. I have a whole dresser full of pictures in boxes and albums from my grandparents' house. I don't even know a lot of the people, but it's a nice look at history.
sorry about your grandma
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late on this. Your Grandma sounded like a really sweet, funny woman. I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hug))
Just catching up Hammer. So sorry about your Grandmother, but I am glad she was so well right up until the end & I'm really glad that the great-grand kids had a chance to meet her. She reminds me of my own mother & grand-mother...who have told me time & time again that a smart lady knows when to play dumb.
I'm terribly sorry, Hammer.
James
I am so very sorry for your loss. A good friend of mine passed away on Saturday night...so things have been weird here too.
Hang in there.
Gettin' here late, but I wanted you to know I was sorry for your loss. Your granny was a pretty cool lady. I'm not lookin' forward to my family drama when the folks go.
Sorry to be late, but my condolences to you on your loss. She sounds like a great lady and I'm glad you got to reaquaint yourself with her in recent times.
My prayers to you.
God Bless
FMD
Ah, Hammer, I'm sorry I'm late in offering my condolences too. Your eulogy sounds like a fit tribute to a good woman. She'll be missed.
Very cute and funny grand mother indeed, condolences to you and family, you will now remember her with fond memories. Mine passed away long time ago, I still miss her.
Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandma - she sounds like a real character! I'll bet she was really proud of you, too. Blessings on you and your family.
My condolences to you and your family...she sounded like one cool grandmother!
Peace
Hammer I'm so sorry for you and yours.She sounds like a wonderful, strong and funny lady.
So sorry to hear this news. Sounds like she lived a great life and you were lucky to have her around for as long as you did.
Hammer, I'm very sorry for your loss. She sounded like quite a character.
Hammer, I hate to be so late with this, but I'm awfully sorry to hear about your grandmother.
She sounds as if she knew her kids well enough to keep her mouth shut. No telling how much grief that saved her, not letting them know she had money.
My wife's paternal grandmother died a couple of weeks ago. She was 94 (I think) and was alert and energetic for each and every year of it too. My wife wasn't close to her, mainly because of my wife's mother, but that was her last grandparent and it hit her hard.
I hope you remember the good things and forgive and forget the rocky times.
Again, my condolences.
So sorry to hear this.....my uncle recently passed on Sunday. You'll be in my thoughts.
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