I think we all need to laugh more.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Redd Foxx


“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice.” Bill Cosby

“Don't talk to me about Naval tradition! It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash” Sir Winston Churchill

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. Mel Brooks

I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. Johnny Carson

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. Elizabeth Taylor

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'" Unknown

"Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot." Dick Gregory

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin

"A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house." Unknown

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." Robin Williams

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.'" Lenny Bruce

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil! Golda Meir

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler