Would you like some cheese with that wine?

No really. It's about wine.

Wine is tricky. You don't have to spend much for a really delicious bottle of wine. I've had a three dollar Chilean Merlot that was much more sophisticated than some sixty dollar bottles of French Cabernet. I've read wine books, I've gone to tastings, I've bought videos.. all bullshit.

Let me reiterate...all bull shit...

Wine is one of the biggest scams perpetrated onto people that want to feel special and sophisticated. Labels mean absolutely nothing, reviews are pure hogwash and price is not a determining factor on the quality of a particular bottle of wine.

Let me give you an example:

There is a Texas Wine called Llano Savingon Blanc. It is five bucks a bottle at my local grocery store. It is delicious, wonderful body, smooth, sweet, a little tart in the finish. Good stuff.

I went to a Fancy Wine Shop looking for something a little different. They tried to sell me my five dollar wine for thirty five dollars. Which probably tells me that most of the other wines are jacked up too or just rot gut that tastes like dirty socks. They actually tried to pass of a dirty sock wine in hopes I would be too embarrassed to spit it on their shoes. They were dead wrong.

My advice. Have a little wine tasting of your own. Go to a grocery or discount house and buy several bottles of inexpensive wine (Four to fifteen dollars a bottle). Invite some close friends over and serve each one blind, one to two ounces per glass, keep track, take notes and compare. Be sure to provide some snacks.

Cheese, fruit, nuts, crackers and olives are good in between wine flights...yes they call em flights dunno why. It kind of resets your taste buds and keeps you from getting drunk enough to where all the wines taste good.

Once everyone compares notes, you may have a few new favorites.

Don't be bullied by wine snobs and don't be afraid of sending back a shitty bottle of wine at a restaurant.


Which brings me to wine tasting rooms. The ones I've been to offer flights of 4 wines to try.

Here is how the scam operates:

Wine one: Carmel with hints of apricots and Turtle Wax

Wine Two: Moldy bath towel with a Limburger finish

Wine three: Good nose, decent body tastes like a soiled cat box.

Wine four: Thank Jesus! This one tastes like grapes...."Whats that? Do I want to purchase a case? "Well I guess so since it's the best wine I've tasted all night"

I've got only one thing to say about Champagne, or sparkling wine. The only perceptible difference I can detect is that the higher the price the smaller the bubbles.

Remember folks, friends don't let friends become wine snobs.